Crossroads

bf

Little Miss is creeping up on six months and so is our breastfeeding journey. My son was only 2.5 months when we transitioned him to formula for a number of reasons but mainly lack of support. This go around has been exceptionally better.

But I want to stop.

Well, I do and I don’t. This is where I am at today. I know that if I supplement a little formula that I do not have to completely cut out breastfeeding but God knows I want to.

I need my life back. I need my body back. I need my bed back. I need my sleep back. I am a slave to this machine (and its running in the background as I type). Sometimes I swear it’s talking to me. Today it’s saying “Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let go.”

-If you’re laughing it’s because you know what I am talking about. If you’re not, you’re either a man or have never pumped yourself like a cow.-

SO is the end in sight? Or will the guilt of formula feeding my child scare me into a deeper depression? I know there is middle ground here. I know that there is compromise. Today is just one of those day that I did not sleep and is directly effecting my mood.

Have you been here? Did you stop breastfeed before the magical 12 months? I would love to hear your take on this.


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7 thoughts on “Crossroads

  1. OMG I totally understand what you mean! It drove me crazy, too, and thank goodness for selective amnesia, I’ve forgotten how tethered I felt to that machine. I had to bring it with me when I was teaching advance massage courses some weekends and pump in the closet. But I didn’t stop breastfeeding until after the first year though.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I did because I ended up buying a portable pump (the circular one) and even when I had to leave my son with his grandparents when I had to work there were those packets in the freezer.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I have a small stash in the freezer because I work full time. I was also thinking of maybe cutting down pumping at work to just twice or once. She would still make it a month before having any formula.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s what I did, too, cutting down on the pumping and so I didn’t have to produce as much – something I learned when I bought that second portable one because I hardly used it.

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  2. My son self weaned himself around 6-7 months old. I had been supplementing with formula because I had low supply. It never seemed enough for him so after nursing him on both sides and him getting frustrated with lack of milk, I started doing a small bottle of formula afterwards and he was far happier. After a couple months he started pushing the boob away but would gobble up the formula, so I knew it was time to wean him off completely. It also happened to be around when we did some sleep training with him too so he was sleeping longer stints at night and my supply was starting to dry up anyway with the bigger breaks. I was getting up and pumping to reduce the discomfort but each night I would pump less and less until eventually I was no longer uncomfortable and could go quite a few hours without nursing or pumping. I’m not one of those mothers who has an attachment or strong bond towards breastfeeding so I wasn’t upset at all when he decided he didn’t want it anymore. In fact, I was actually quite happy as it opened up so much freedom for me. He was happy getting everything he needed from the formula, and I was happy to not be awkwardly fumbling around with my clothes in public trying to get a boob out to nurse him. I was also able to go out solo with friends longer and not have to haul along a pump in my purse (I once pumped in a bridal store bathroom while wedding dress shopping with my friend) and I could instead not worry about it at all! All I can say is not to be afraid of formula. So many people want to tell you that it’s a bad thing to give your child and that you’re a terrible mother if you do it. But my son is happy, healthy and totally thriving and he basically had formula from 3 months onwards. He’s 18 months old now. You do what will make you happy. If getting more sleep/freedom will make you happy, then give Little Miss some formula. She will be happy as long as she’s getting the goods. If she doesn’t accept the first go of formula, keep trying and play around with warming it up to breast milk temperature or trying different kinds. Not all formulas are the same to a baby so it might take some trial and error to find one that she will accept. But just keep trying. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. My dude is doing awesome and he just turned 4. We were able to move him to his own room after I stopped at 2.5 months. I COULD go to 9 months with little Miss but lawd mama is tired and slightly selfish.

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