Who am I? Who have I been? Who do I want to be?

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I am a mom. I feel like this has been the most important thing I have ever done, even beyond being a Soldier. I have been more challenged as a mother than I have ever been physically or mentally otherwise.

I am a wife. Sadly, and much to my surprise this did not appear in the original order as second, but I think this is something I need to work on. I do not forget I am a wife, but maybe I look too much to get instead of giving. Or I have been so tired with the other “I am”s that it fell too far down the list. I am sorry, Honey. I will work on this. You can have the Phil Kessel hockey puck.

I am a writer. This is what I am deep down. This is what makes me happy and what gives me validation. I also am a writer because every other aspect in my life is shared through this medium. This is the job that I will never have to work at.

I am a working woman. This causes far more stress than it’s worth, in my opinion. I love what I do and where I work. I love the fulfillment I get from over achieving, but every second I am at work, I feel I should be doing something else: mostly snuggling my babies. I miss them 40 hours a week something fierce.

Who have I been?

I have been so many people. I have been someone I would be jealous of today. I have been someone that I am embarrassed of today. I have been someone that was braver and wiser than I knew I could be at the time. Even through my huge glaring mess ups, I do not regret much if anything. Everything, good and bad, has really worked out for the better.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a mom. I want to be a wife. I want to be a writer. I want to be a working woman, but maybe a little less worky that I am now. My one year goal is to publish my book. My five year goal is to adapt it to film. My ten year goal is to complete the series and watch it with my family on our nice (not leather) furniture. I want to weigh 30 lbs less than I do. I want to wake up every day happy and refreshed and not scared or anxious unless it is premier day or something good stressful like that. I want my family to be happy and healthy and comfortable.

 

Where are you headed? Who are you today? Who do you want to be?

 

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8 thoughts on “Who am I? Who have I been? Who do I want to be?

  1. Wow this is such an amazing post. It is so great meeting you!! I notice your favorite things are being a mama, a writer and a wife. So why do you waste your time at work? I mean, I’m sure you work because you need to but I get the feeling that you would be happy being a stay at home mom and wife and writing as your work. Would you be happy like this? Is that something you could have? I would love to know a bit more about you, if you don’t think I’m nosy lol I’m really interested. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I’m the last decade and a half I have been a stay at home mom for 13 months. I really could not do it. Maybe when both kids are in school in a few years.

      Like

  2. That’s such a beautiful picture and a lovely honest post. It’s hard staying at home with the kids, I’ve been here for 15 years and would love a part time job. But I am grateful that I can be home on the many days my kids have needed me. Writing is such an amazing gift and outlet, I agree, I would love it to be my job but wonder whether that would take away some of the joy? Good luck with the book, I think that’s becoming my dream too.

    Liked by 1 person

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